Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer

• START: 10:13 AM
• END: 11:14 AM
• What's competition?
  • Get better score in school examination, sports, experiment.
• What's cooperate?
  • output result as a team, perform best in part of the whole task.
• What's a more useful adults?
  • having more ability to help others.
    • cooperate without ability can only product inferior result and bring ghastly harmony to team.
    • excellent personal ability is the most viable choice to cross society level for poor families.
    • keeping competition can break out the ceiling of personal ability.
      • cooperation is imprinted into humanity, it's easier to learn, but painstaking learning habit is hard to form.
      • outstanding aiblity brings more choice when facing difficulies.
    • human history are motived by rare marvellous heroes.

To cooperate, or compete, it's a question, a question every children teacher have to think, and also to be answered by each of parents, old or young, rich or poor. I couldn't agree with it more that competition plays a crucial role in children growth.

A useful and successful adults who a child should become must possess outstanding capacity on their field. Where excellent people are mainly come from in education system? They are from top tier students of top tier school. Their achievements are not measured by how well they cooperate, but how well they prevail with classmates in score. Being a successful man, prevail in examination. That's the answer education system tell.

Competition always play vital factor on promoting civilization development. Primitive tribe has a set of detailed cooperation methodology in hunting, they communicate using whistling, or mimicking bird's sound, chasing prey respectively to exhaust it. Their cooperation is seen better that most of modern people, but they still struggle with some basic requirements, like food, clean water and sanitation. What cause that difference? All the existing human race are derived from Africa, it's the continent whose geological environment are deemed stable for 5 million years, human living here don't have to compete with nature, they are living in a Utopia until modern human visiting. The result from the marvellous experiment nature present to us is that competition can force people think, drastically promote the progressing of human civilization.

Cooperation is good, but embracing competition is more important for children. If every child make excellent become custom and embrace competition, a prosperous tomorrow will not be a question of "if", but "when".

Examiner

评分标准

TR（任务回应）:

• 文章讨论了鼓励竞争和鼓励合作两种观点，但没有深入展开讨论。
• 自己的观点不够明确，缺乏具体的例子和分析。

评分：4

CC（连贯与衔接）：

• 文章有一定的结构，但段落之间的衔接不够紧密。
• 有些观点之间的过渡比较生硬。

评分：5

LR（词汇资源）：

• 词汇量有限，有重复使用的词汇，且有些词汇使用不够准确。
• 文章缺乏高级词汇和表达。

评分：5

GRA（语法范围与准确性）：

• 语法错误较多，包括时态、主谓一致、词形变化等方面的问题。
• 句子结构较为单一，缺乏复杂句型。

评分：4

总分：4.5

详细反馈：

这篇文章在回应题目时讨论了鼓励竞争和合作的利弊，但没有深入展开讨论，并且缺乏具体的例子和分析。

1. Task Response (TR)

改进思路：

• 提供更多具体的例子和细节来支持观点。
• 清晰地表达自己的观点并进行深入分析。

改进方式：

• 通过举例说明如何竞争和合作在儿童成长中的不同影响。
• 进一步展开关于教育系统如何衡量成功的讨论，提供更多的论据支持竞争的观点。

改进示例：

原文：
“A useful and successful adults who a child should become must possess outstanding capacity on their field.”

改进后：
“To become a useful and successful adult, a child must develop outstanding abilities in their chosen field. For instance, students who consistently perform well in competitive exams often gain admission to top-tier universities, which in turn opens doors to prestigious career opportunities. Their success is largely measured by their ability to excel in competitive environments.”

2. Coherence and Cohesion (CC)

改进思路：

• 使用更多的过渡词和短语来增强段落之间的连贯性。
• 确保每个段落的主题明确，并与下一段落有自然的衔接。

改进方式：

• 使用连接词如“Furthermore,” “On the other hand,” “In addition,”等来连接不同的观点。
• 在段落结尾处简要总结并引出下一段的内容。

改进示例：

原文：
“Cooperation is good, but embracing competition is more important for children.”

改进后：
“While cooperation is undoubtedly beneficial, embracing competition is more crucial for children. By fostering a competitive spirit, we ensure that children are prepared to face real-world challenges effectively. In addition, when every child strives for excellence, societal progress becomes inevitable.”

3. Lexical Resource (LR)

改进思路：

• 扩展词汇量，使用同义词和高级表达。
• 避免重复使用相同的词汇。

改进方式：

• 使用在线词典和同义词库查找替代词。
• 多阅读高水平的英语文章，学习并记录高级词汇和表达。

改进示例：

原文：
“Competition always play vital factor on promoting civilization development.”

改进后：
“Competition has always played a vital role in promoting the development of civilization.”

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA)

改进思路：

• 加强语法知识，特别是时态、主谓一致、句子结构等方面。
• 练习使用更复杂的句型，避免简单句子的重复使用。

改进方式：

• 参加语法课程或使用在线语法资源进行自学。
• 在写作中刻意练习使用不同的从句、被动语态等复杂句型。

改进示例：

原文：
“Competition always play vital factor on promoting civilization development.”

改进后：
“Competition has always played a vital role in promoting the development of civilization, driving innovation and progress by challenging individuals to surpass their limits.”

改进后的文章示例

Question: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Improved Answer:

To cooperate or compete, it is a question every teacher and parent must consider. I firmly believe that competition plays a crucial role in children's growth.

To become a useful and successful adult, a child must develop outstanding abilities in their chosen field. For instance, students who consistently perform well in competitive exams often gain admission to top-tier universities, which in turn opens doors to prestigious career opportunities. Their success is largely measured by their ability to excel in competitive environments. The education system emphasizes the importance of academic achievement through competition, preparing students to face real-world challenges effectively.

Competition has always played a vital role in promoting the development of civilization. Primitive tribes had detailed cooperation methodologies in hunting, communicating through whistles or mimicking bird sounds to chase prey. Despite their excellent cooperation, they still struggled with basic necessities like food and clean water. This contrast shows that competition, rather than cooperation alone, drives human progress. In stable environments, where competition with nature was minimal, human development stagnated. Competition forces people to think innovatively and drastically accelerates societal progress.

While cooperation is undoubtedly beneficial, embracing competition is more crucial for children. By fostering a competitive spirit, we ensure that children are prepared to face real-world challenges effectively. In addition, when every child strives for excellence, societal progress becomes inevitable.

In conclusion, while cooperation teaches valuable social skills, competition drives individuals to excel. By encouraging a balanced approach that values both cooperation and competition, we can help children become well-rounded, successful adults.

评分标准

Task Response (TR)

Score: 7

改进后的文章较好地回答了题目要求，讨论了竞争和合作的两种观点，并且表达了作者自己的观点。尽管整体内容比较全面，但可以通过提供更多具体的例子和详细分析进一步提升。

Coherence and Cohesion (CC)

Score: 7

改进后的文章结构清晰，段落之间的衔接自然。使用了过渡词和短语，使文章连贯性较强。然而，某些段落之间的过渡仍然可以更加流畅。

Lexical Resource (LR)

Score: 7

改进后的文章展示了更丰富的词汇量和多样的表达方式，使用了诸如"outstanding abilities," "prestigious career opportunities," "driving innovation"等高级词汇。尽管词汇使用有了显著提升，但仍有进一步提升的空间。

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA)

Score: 7

改进后的文章在语法范围和准确性上有所提升，使用了复杂句型和准确的语法结构。虽然大部分句子语法正确，但仍存在个别语法错误和表达上的不自然之处。

总分：7.0

改进后的文章在任务回应、连贯与衔接、词汇资源和语法范围与准确性方面都有显著提升。通过进一步详细展开论点、增加具体例子以及精细化语法表达，可以进一步提高评分。