In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Answer

• START: 10:13 AM
• END: 11:14 AM

What kind of finishing high school?
* intense / painstaking study in China

What kind of travel?
* Parents sponsored, to the place where their children wish to go.

What kind of work?
* Parents encouraged, when they are 18 yold
* Basic jobs, waiter, dish washing, etc.

* Advantage
  * Relax from pressure of high school
  * Celebrating being adult, next stage of life
  * Imprint the success
  
  * Have more experience with society
  * Earn some money for themself
* Disadvantage
  * Get out the study state from half way of learning career.
  * 
  
  * May get impact from new env.

• 10:53 AM

Students are encouraged to have travel or work between finishing their high school and starting university studies.
Every country has their own tradition, but let's focus on China.
China's collage entrance exam is known for its hard and intensity,
students need to study pretty hard to be qualified to their wanted collage.

Lot's students choose to travel to release the painstaking pressure after finishing exam.
It's a good way not only to break state of persistent pressure in study, but also to empower the creativity.
In psychology, decent celebration after overcoming a hard time will reinforce such mind strategy: 
when you are facing challenge and defeat it, you will get the reward you want. 
Travel is a good way to implement that.
But excessive travel may hint students to forgo the study state, they will preform bad at collage.
or insist without considering the economic background can bring extra burden to family.

And others choose to have a temporary work,
this mainly for adapt the social working rhythm and earn some money for themselves.

• Full

Students are encouraged to have travel or work between finishing their high school and starting university studies. Every country has their own tradition, but let's focus on China. China's collage entrance exam is known for its hard and intensity, students need to study pretty hard to be qualified to their wanted collage. after that exam, students got around 2 months vacation before entering collage.

It's important that decent travel can better student's life. Lot's students choose to travel to release the painstaking pressure after finishing exam. It's a good way not only to break state of persistent pressure in study, but also to empower the creativity. In psychology, decent celebration after overcoming a hard time will reinforce such mind strategy: when you are facing challenge and defeat it, you will get the reward you want. Travel is a good way to implement that. But excessive travel may hint students to forgo the study state, they will preform bad at collage since they lost of mindset of learning and can't get it back. Or, some students insist their traveling plan without considering the economic background can bring extra burden to family. So, base on family background and the student's state, give the right travel plan are crucial.

It's also a good time to have short-time work. Since in China, the final result of collage entrance exam will be published after the first month of vacation, students don't know whether or not they can go to the wanted collage. So, they actually have the chance to implement such expirement: Now, I don't get a good score, what should I do? Work. It's a good time to feel the life that they don't received the offer of collage. Put scenario to reality, feel the worst situation, then to motive themselves to study hard at collage. Also their must be some student that they do not recieved the offer, so, work can be a rehersal of their working time. The disadvantage is that they may get impact from new working environment. Some boss are not such friendly to short-time employees. So, get a proper job is crucial.

Overall, any student can choose the form of celebration after finishing high school, based on their score, family background and student's mental state, they can have the best choice.

Examiner

评分标准

TR（任务回应）:

• 文章讨论了旅行和工作对年轻人的利弊，回应了题目要求。
• 观点明确，但某些论点的展开不够深入和具体。

评分：5

CC（连贯与衔接）：

• 文章有一定的结构，但段落之间的衔接不够紧密。
• 有些观点之间的过渡比较生硬。

评分：5

LR（词汇资源）：

• 词汇量有限，有重复使用的词汇，且有些词汇使用不够准确。
• 文章缺乏高级词汇和表达。

评分：5

GRA（语法范围与准确性）：

• 语法错误较多，包括时态、主谓一致、词形变化等方面的问题。
• 句子结构较为单一，缺乏复杂句型。

评分：4

总分：5

详细反馈：

这篇文章总体上能够回应题目，讨论了年轻人毕业后旅行和工作的利弊。然而，文章在以下几个方面需要改进：

1. 任务回应（TR）：
   • 文章基本上讨论了题目要求的内容，但缺乏更深入的分析和具体例子来支持观点。
   • 可以进一步展开每个优点和缺点的讨论，提供更具体的细节和例子。
2. 连贯与衔接（CC）：
   • 文章的整体结构较为清晰，但段落之间的衔接和过渡有待改进。
   • 可以使用更多的过渡词和短语来增强段落之间的连贯性。
3. 词汇资源（LR）：
   • 词汇使用较为基础，缺乏多样性和高级表达。
   • 建议在写作过程中使用同义词和更高级的词汇来丰富文章内容。
4. 语法范围与准确性（GRA）：
   • 语法错误较多，特别是在时态、主谓一致和词形变化等方面。
   • 需要加强语法知识的掌握，练习使用更复杂的句型。

总的来说，文章能够回应题目并讨论相关内容，但在论点的展开、词汇的丰富性和语法的准确性方面需要进一步提高。通过多加练习和改进，这些方面都可以得到明显改善。

Examiner Rework

改进思路与方式

1. Task Response (TR)

改进思路：

• 提供更具体的例子和细节来支持观点。
• 对每个优点和缺点进行深入分析。

改进方式：

• 在讨论旅行的好处时，可以具体描述一个学生如何通过旅行学到新的文化和知识，或者如何放松身心。
• 在讨论工作的好处时，可以具体描述一个学生如何通过短期工作获得工作经验，了解职业生活。

改进结果：

• 文章内容更加充实，观点更有说服力。

改进示例：

原文：
“Travel is a good way to release the pressure after finishing the exam. It not only breaks the state of persistent pressure in study but also empowers creativity.”

改进后：
“Travel is an excellent way to release the pressure after finishing the exam. For example, a student might choose to travel to Yunnan, where they can enjoy the beautiful natural scenery and experience different ethnic cultures. This not only helps them relax but also broadens their horizons and enhances their creativity. Moreover, psychological studies have shown that appropriate celebration after overcoming a difficult period can reinforce mental strategies, motivating students to face future challenges with greater determination.”

2. Coherence and Cohesion (CC)

改进思路：

• 使用更多的过渡词和短语来增强段落之间的连贯性。
• 确保每个段落的主题明确，并与下一段落有自然的衔接。

改进方式：

• 使用连接词如“Furthermore,” “On the other hand,” “In addition,”等来连接不同的观点。
• 在段落结尾处简要总结并引出下一段的内容。

改进结果：

• 文章结构更清晰，读者更容易理解和跟随作者的思路。

改进示例：

原文：
“Excessive travel may hint students to forgo the study state; they will perform badly at college since they lost the mindset of learning and can't get it back.”

改进后：
“However, excessive travel may cause students to lose their study habits, leading to poor performance in college due to their inability to regain their learning mindset. Therefore, it is crucial to plan travel activities appropriately. On the other hand, short-term work is also a beneficial option.”

3. Lexical Resource (LR)

改进思路：

• 扩展词汇量，使用同义词和高级表达。
• 避免重复使用相同的词汇。

改进方式：

• 使用在线词典和同义词库查找替代词。
• 多阅读高水平的英语文章，学习并记录高级词汇和表达。

改进结果：

• 文章语言更丰富，表达更准确。

改进示例：

原文：
“Travel is a good way to release the pressure.”

改进后：
“Travel is an excellent method to alleviate the stress accumulated from intensive studying.”

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA)

改进思路：

• 加强语法知识，特别是时态、主谓一致、句子结构等方面。
• 练习使用更复杂的句型，避免简单句子的重复使用。

改进方式：

• 参加语法课程或使用在线语法资源进行自学。
• 在写作中刻意练习使用不同的从句、被动语态等复杂句型。

改进结果：

• 文章语法更加准确，句子结构更加多样化。

改进示例：

原文：
“Some bosses are not such friendly to short-time employees. So, get a proper job is crucial.”

改进后：
“Some employers may not be particularly accommodating to short-term employees; therefore, securing a suitable job is essential.”

改进后的文章示例

Question: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Improved Answer:

Students are encouraged to travel or work between finishing high school and starting university studies. While every country has its own traditions, let's focus on China. The college entrance exam in China is known for its difficulty and intensity, requiring students to study exceptionally hard to gain admission to their desired colleges. After this exam, students typically have a two-month vacation before entering college.

Travel is an excellent way to release the pressure accumulated from intensive studying. For example, a student might choose to travel to Yunnan, where they can enjoy the beautiful natural scenery and experience different ethnic cultures. This not only helps them relax but also broadens their horizons and enhances their creativity. Moreover, psychological studies have shown that appropriate celebration after overcoming a difficult period can reinforce mental strategies, motivating students to face future challenges with greater determination. However, excessive travel may cause students to lose their study habits, leading to poor performance in college due to their inability to regain their learning mindset. Therefore, it is crucial to plan travel activities appropriately.

On the other hand, short-term work is also a beneficial option. In China, the final results of the college entrance exam are published about a month into the vacation, leaving students uncertain about whether they will be admitted to their desired colleges. This uncertainty presents an opportunity for them to consider a scenario where they do not achieve a good score: what should they do? Working during this period can give them a taste of life without a college education, motivating them to study harder once they start university. Additionally, for those who do not receive an offer, this work experience serves as a rehearsal for their future careers. However, the new working environment may pose challenges, as some employers may not be particularly accommodating to short-term employees; therefore, securing a suitable job is essential.

In conclusion, any student can choose how to celebrate after finishing high school, whether through travel or work. By considering their exam scores, family background, and mental state, they can make the best choice for themselves.

Re-assessment of Improved Answer

Task Response (TR)

Score: 7

The improved response effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year for travel or work. The examples provided add depth to the argument. However, some points could still be expanded with more specific examples and further elaboration.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC)

Score: 7

The improved answer shows a clear structure with well-organized paragraphs. The use of transition words like "however," "therefore," and "on the other hand" improves the flow between ideas. The connection between paragraphs is smoother, making the essay more coherent.

Lexical Resource (LR)

Score: 7

The vocabulary used in the improved answer is more varied and appropriate for the context. The inclusion of terms like "alleviate," "accumulated," "accommodating," and "reinforce mental strategies" enhances the overall quality of the writing. However, there is still room for incorporating even more advanced vocabulary and expressions.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA)

Score: 6

The grammatical range has improved with the inclusion of more complex sentences and structures. Errors are fewer, but there are still some awkward phrases and minor grammatical issues that need attention. For example, "present an opportunity for them to consider a scenario where they do not achieve a good score" could be refined for clarity.

Overall Band Score: 7.0

The improved answer demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements and provides a coherent, well-structured response with appropriate vocabulary and grammar. Further improvements in elaboration of points, vocabulary range, and grammatical precision could push the score higher.